Zheng Fang

2010-01-31T16:51:00.001+08:00

Bye Bye Blogger. Hello Live Journal. http://angzhengfang.livejournal.com

New

2010-01-04T22:33:00.002+08:00

Alright at last i managed to get into blogger. Its been giving me problems.

This new year.....i hope it'll be an eventful one. The year started great. The best i've ever had. The happiest i've been. And its most importantly genuine. Maybe a lot of others won't get it but its just something i felt deep down.

Im so glad, cos shes changed.....for the better. And now everytime i think back, look back, recount the event, i see a glitzy and alluring quality to it that makes me simply.......happy.

Im glad i was there because i know things won't be the same again.
It feels so.....surreal. But im loving it.

Sooo long

2009-12-02T17:49:00.003+08:00

Its been 2 months! throughout this whole period i just couldnt be bothered to post because it somehow became such a tedious thing to do. thank goodness i havent lost touch with writing.

Much as this is a holiday i've been anticipating, it dosent seem to make me especially thrilled and excited nor exceptionally happy. im glad to have much time to watch movies, read and meet up with peeps but im beginning to feel suffocated again. having barriers here and there, unspoken but present curfews, limitations.......

At this point of time, i have this urge to break free from all these. to just......rebel. but the consequences are far too heavy.....the damage far too irreversible. so im still contemplating. perhaps i'd just try to do a balance of the two.

after countless months, i finally had the time to rent a few dvds. and i defnitely have to give Cate Blanchett a million thumbs up for her portrayal of Sheba in Notes On A Scandal. Her intensity as Sheba made the movie a masterpiece. i was initially dubious about Cate, having watched Elizabeth but how wrong. i'd put Cate right at the top. with the likes of Sean Penn and Meryl Streep. Thats how good.

Prelims

2009-09-18T13:37:00.004+08:00

Im currently in the midst of my prelims now and (heaven forbid), I think it was disastrous. Ok besides the English paper 1 and E Math, i think my A Math, Chem and Physics was completely screwed up. I just stood there dumbfounded when i saw the Section B questions for Physics. Good lord, how tough it is. Well at least i think i tried my best, i just hope O's wont be so unexpected although yeah i know its just wishful thinking on my part.

I've recently been into this Samurai Girl 3-part series currently airing on Ch5 every sunday at 2200. Its awesome i swear! Heaven's quest for her own identity and the unfurling of events that impede her self discoveries amaze me. Its going to end this sunday but i tell you its going to be the best thing ever. Its just great. The plot, the stunts and the oh-my-goodness-so-awesome-flying-in-the-air-swordfighting this Samurai Girl could carry off. Albeit its rather long ( 6 fraking hours) but its really worth the while. I was constantly kept at the edge of my seat when it was aired. And yup, what a novel piece. Its carthartic when you watch it. Love it.

What would you do?

2009-08-28T22:29:00.002+08:00

The last few weeks were not very eventful though BUT i think im just getting accustomed to studying. Haiz. what can i do? im not allowed out for socializing, not even for a birthday party which spans no more than an hour or two. Yeah i know its for my own good and all that rubbish but i need to breakaway from the momentum sometimes you know?

Anyway, whining won't get me anywhere, so, i shall embrace it. Today is a very significant day. Have you ever had an English teacher who would do all she can to help you get that A1? I honestly find her very authentic to the core. She's just herself with us, sometimes engaging in rather caustic humour which elicits no response from my dead silent class. I love the way she speaks, always and forever littered and peppered with a lexicon of vocab. And today, guess what she did? She KNEELED down and begged us. Begged us to do well and seek her advice. To not make any errors of all sorts. To obsess about English. To write interesting essays. and to most of all, make her feel proud of us for once. I thought it noble of her to kneel down in the first place. What would you do if you see someone doing that? I felt really touched by her sincerity and i can go on and all around about how she inspired me and sorts but i'd rather hush about that for now.

As it is, i am a little disgruntled at some incidents because they just don't go the way i want them to. At times, i think i succumb to failure because i just don't have the temerity, the audacity to face the harsh reality in my face.

But no matter what happens, i've never ever lost that burning desire to go there. Just that, results still continue to stymie me.

Running...

2009-08-04T00:58:00.002+08:00

Running this race ain't easy. I'm so tired of pleasing, of forcing, of conforming.
Dog eat dog world.
Cos of the pile of work to complete, i couldnt post recently.

I found a new love though....Hockey!
Something i like doing now, cos schoolwork always waste my time away.
Perhaps i'd just wait till Nov. to committ to that.
I don't know where i belong.
How to be old?
I still want to be young.

Here's one poem i really like, by Mandy Ford.

Anthem For Youth

Why rush through our childhood,
To become the high and mighty adults
Whose calm authority hangs over us!
For we do not perceive their expressions
Of regret, as they realise just what
They sped through, not knowing their own happiness,
As their youth slipped away.

Why are we so eager to take on harsh respnsobilities,
And leave our blissful innocence?
We dismiss the fun times- thinking only
Of our work, without noticing that
In 'Adult Life' there is no pocket money
For merely washing up.

Come crashing down, i surrender.

" Sensitive Chaos"

2009-07-06T01:57:00.003+08:00

"Sensitive Chaos" by a Romantic poet i cant remember describes water/clouds as that. Ever wondered how water affects and influences the way we live?

Water. As powerful in its cool, relentless way as the forms of magma that seethe beneath. Invincible, indomitable.

This system is widely uneven, just what you would expect from something that moves so fast with such extravagent energy. From the air, this inequitable distribution is striking; life is enslaved to the vicissitudes of water.

Caprice of fate....should i stay or should i go?

Love it

2009-06-16T15:39:00.004+08:00

im still thinking about that chalet thingy. Esp that night..(not RE luh) its the conversation thing...the heart to heart talk only between us..feels so surreal...alright...this is dedicated to..you know who you are..(thank you for the HTH conver) and for you all who waant to know how it feels like? Here it is..

Our conversation continues to be fresh and refreshing, filled with witty repartee, laughter and warmth; there is never a moment of boredom and any silence is comfortable because our hearts are so knit that words need not fill the air for our minds to connect. There is a sense of calm and quiet that settles upon our souls, even as we share our thoughts....

so nice huh? The feeling...

Turning Point

2009-06-15T12:39:00.003+08:00

Obviously i had the time of my life at the chalet. Despite the unexpected visitor. Cos of all the screaming and shouting and crazy and wacky and silly business. HAHA. Lets start from the meeting time at the MRT? im so sorry Felicia you waited so damn long..for me. I apologise for my very accurate time estimation. Hehe. and how coincidental? Met Collen in the same train, albeit its me who rumaged through the whole train to search for her. Ha. and good gracious..the bus took like some monkey years to come? stupid 403. We had to patiently wait for that bus. and so, instead of reaching at the estimated time of 6pm, we ended up reaching there at 6.30pm.

At the chalet..we had about 2 hours free time. so ate dinner, talked, and pretended to memorise HER lyrics..HAHA. too bad. XY thought we were actually memorising feverishly. Right. we were talking and chatting and singing in the room. HA. memorising sound like some mugging thingy. eww. so Kaevan, Candice, Collen, Felicia, Yamie ended up doing all these in the room. watch a bit of H&P then some random chat..then it was Dont Forget Her Lyrics time!

HAHA. Kaevan and I we first up and WTH they caught us off guard luh!! Tao Yan first one! Deep down inside i really wanted to dig a deep deep hole to go into hiding. I dont know the lyrics! the whole first album im really clueless. HA. end up Kaevan did the the whole thing..shes really ON eh. sing so many lines after it. HAHA. then after some ppl..then it was Collen and me again. This time smart already..ahha..we chose English Others category. and yet again. TSK..they are so eveil. give us Iris. HAHA. actually thats better than Home. Lucky i did know Iris. HA. and now Collen's clueless. I'll forever remember that " the moment of truth in your LIES!" ARGH. haha. her prnounciation really ar. Life/Lives/Eyes..all sound the same ok! well. and her " Forever" like the voice break..HHAA..so funny! and i really really loved the Reach Out For The Skies and Kuai Le Fang Shi part! its super rock on! hhaha.. Collen danced really cute! haha..the classic Listen To Your Heart..HHAHAH Xaby kenna! too bad! Retribution comes really fast with Bee! thank Shirley for choosing that line.

and gosh. the PJs night..wah siao. i cant stop laughing at the pictures taken. the headless heads and bodies and the so called posing for movie poster? HAHA. its so malu! and still post up. and the truth and dare? hahaha i wonder where's the classic kiss?? haha. besides..eveyone's so scared of choosing dare. HAHA..truth end up being so boring..but interesting answers. XY's one is so damn XYish. then it was 2 plus..and i had hunger pangs! so extremely ravenous ok! thank goodness there's bread and banana cake. Relieved from eating then went to bed. its so stuffy in our room! the air-con's like not working! so bloody hot! end up sleeping on the bed. cos Kaevan's not sleeping. in the same room were Corraine, Collen, Xian Li..ahha..they all went to bed almost immediately?

the next day we woke up and had nice french toast made by XY for breakfast. should have sugar luh! ended up going up to our room to chat with XY, Collen, Felicia, Xian Li. the cosy ambience..cool and at-last-working air-con. end up it was XY and Collen talking non-stop about their sch and watsoever. ahha..and we 3 eavesdrop. Candice came with our packed lunch so we went down to eat. saw everyone busy watch her shows..one corner hear some Meta..the other hear some H&P..then got some You Are The One also. ahha. practically slacked the whole time until about BBQ time. then it poured. and they hilariously used umbrellas to start the fire in vain.

Just before her enexpected arrival, JB called Liz ad Collen to ask for direcions..and heh. thats the biggest clue eh. then...some of them started doing the EHHHH! RUIENNNNNN! fan. then the EHHHH!RUIENNNNNN! president. AHHAHAH thats super funny! cos when she actually came..everyone was stumped and silent. just stare. like oh shes actually here. HAHA..imagine if we actually screamed..RE'll give her usual wierd look. and think we're feng zi again. thanks to Xaby, Joey, Grace, Collen and others...the Heart Attack and Cheat which was over blogged..ahha..made it so fun!! so i shant blog it here luh.

The best was still the friends made. the priceless picture..i was surprised i looked ok..the gossips..the talk and random chat and siaoness at mac..and most of all the night talk with you know who you are..thanks for eberything.

Its Been...

2009-06-06T00:10:00.003+08:00

Im still trying to re-strategise and find the best way to get to those distinction instead of just hanging around the Bs. But thing is how? I've exhausted almost all the possibilities and still cant find a way out. oh help help. Its already June and in still a B student. Help! What will happen to my 6A1 target? Diminish. I just can't let that happen. Is a burning desire strong enough or other factors have to be included? Im down, disappointed, depressed because i did study. Study intelligently this time. And still couln't do it. I looked back at the mistakes I made but still find it unfathomable why i got that grade. Why isnt my answer correct? Its as close as the shore to the sea. I dont get it. God, please help me through this inferno process of searching and finding the right answers to my questions. It draining to the max. but do i have a choice?

Had Physics and Chem SPA today. Chem was pretty alright but Physics was disastrous. I had absolutely no ken whatsoever of how to design that darn experiment. Argh. Electricity bores me like Chem does. Had an afternoon nap after that and i ended up dreaming about Physics SPA! I dreamed of screwing up the graph and not knowing how to read the values and plotting and everything. How shitty huh?

Ha. Sis was really lucky today. She gotta see Jiang Jun from MSD at a fruits stall near our house. He was filming i guess.

Managed to come up with the Sentosa itinerary just yesterday night. I really can't wait for that trip. Its been donkey years since i last visited Sentosa. I'll love to have a go at the Luge and Skyride once again! hahha how ironic huh...the people im going with, their names all start with As. HAHA. If only that could be my result slip. Abigail, Amanda, Amelia, Anissa.

Some quotes to pull us through times of dread:

Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested. - Francis Bacon

What we become depends on what we read after all of the professors have finished with us. The greatest university of all is a collection of books. - Thomas Carlyle

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. - Kenji Miyazawa

A man is like a fraction whose numerator is what he is and whose denomiator is what he thinks of himself. The larger the denominator, the smaller the fraction. - Leo Tolstoy

Experience is a good teacher, but her fees are very high. - W.R. Inge

Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things. - Winston Churchill

Unsolicited advice is the junk mail of life. - Bern Williams

Chinese O Levels

2009-06-02T00:20:00.003+08:00

haha seriously...totally unexpected. This was the first paper i did which i actually understood every single passage. It never happened for the last 2 years...So i really hope i get a B3...i think its possible..haha..just really pray that my essay can pull my marks up. After slogging my ass out for the past week and being CHINESED in the brain....i really do hope my target materialises. if not...i'll just give up on chinese. Its the best i could do. So no matter how good/bad the outcome...i'm not going to do it again.

alright enough about chinese...oh gosh..i really really want to watch Chemistry again! Its beyond my ken why i still like it..haha..i dunno..perhaps i find it really allluring...and pure? Lets leave it at that.

Its Time

2009-05-19T15:55:00.002+08:00

Its been so so long since my last post. ha. Back at lat..from the grueling 4 weeks of exams. Have 2 days of holiday.

Had just watch Taken just now and lets just say its incredible, gripping and brilliant! It really is a film with some meaning. Not your chick flick. yes its a thriller, but its out of love, unconditional love the protagonist has for his daughter albeit he is a divorcee. He went all out to find his daughter who had been kidnapped, just like how Angelina Jolie's character went all out to find her son in Changeling. No doubt those heart-pounding non-stop shooting and killing made it all the better, your heart just goes out to the protagonist who is regarded as a lesser being even in her daughter's and ex-wife's eyes. But ultimately, its the plain truth and nobility of the protagonist that earned his daughter's trust.

I really do hope my results turn out well. Im already at the brink of just giving up Chemistry especially. Have always developed a love for writing, but recently my teacher just gave me rather low grades and everything. If i cant even do well for my favourite subject, what motivation would there be to excel at the others. Its all so sudden. Why does she have such high exxpectations? For the previous 3 years, we wern't pressured by them at all. But she has this thing in her that only wants us to do exceptionally well, no? A 23 or 25 out of 30 for essays is not enough? Why must you want it to be 28? Yes the previous batch did it. But we can't. we just can't. And now you may not know it but my confidence has been thrashed. i now approach writing those essays with e certain fear in me. Fear for not living up to those expectations. Fear for not doing what im expected to produce. I have this burden which is weighing me down as a result of trying to impress. Should i just free myself from this inferno pressure and do it as i deem right? But what if its not approved? I'll still suffer then...

Alright. that was just ranting some unpleasant thoughts. Now at least i have the YZ A/S, the True Hearts event, the RBKD Chalet, the class camp and the YZ concert to look forward to. At least being pressured made me more mature because of the forced effect of looking at things form a different angle and writing with a different style. Im in need of encouragement, of love, and security.

Akeelah and the Bee

2009-03-27T17:57:00.004+08:00

Watched that movie recently and i felt that i should do a review about the movie. Its really witty, worth watching.

The characer Dylan is the most prominent. One interesting and amusing chad. His charater development throughout the movie is too one of the most obvious. Initially, he has an idiosyncrasy of not mixing with people. However, towards the end, he became a reformed person and was not devoured by wanting to win the inaugural spelling bee anymore. Although he could have taken advantage when Akeelah misspelled a word on purpose, he didnt, and took the route of integrity instead. He wanted a fair and square competition. Previously, he treated people with animosity because he saw them as a threat and did not want to be deterred by their actions or words. He then changed his source of motivation to himself and only challenged himself with the bottomless lexicon of the spelling bee.

The scene at the national spelling bee finals when everyone was already ousted from the competition which left only Akeelah and Dylan to compete stood out the most. It is the scene where they showed their natural propensity to spell. It is a scene of apotheosis, of what doing one's best, and proving one wrong. I marvelled at their ability to spell the colossal number of words so easily. This scene is also one where emotions were at a high with each ascent to the top spot. It too is where very stiff competition comes a knocking, to the extent that in the annals of the spelling bee, it was a first time that they had exhausted all the championship words and crowned 2 champions, which is a watershed in the history of the spelling bee. Akeelah and Dylan too exuded such great showmanship and embraced each others strength. This part where Akeelah an Dylan hoisted the trophy up was enough to prove their capabilities.

A lesson. To have integrity and being truthful to oneself and what we do. It also dawned on me that a person's best is not defined until one really performs his best. With self-belief and a source of motivation, the best is usually unprecedented and surprising. Although adversities do sometimes come in the way, I have learnt to not let it get to me. A self-sufficient individual with a effective stategy would already pave the way for imminent success.

"Pulchritude". The reason why that word is now ingrained in me is because it was aso used as one of the championship words during the finals. The word made an impact because it reflected how far Akeelah had come from winning the school spelling bee all the way to the finals. The word is a stark reminder of how she was holed up memorising feverishly the word origins and how to break up a word to spell. It is like a revelation of how muchAkeelah went through to be who she was at the finals of the spelling bee.

" Xanthosis". It is from the word tha Dylan's ice cold facade was pried open to reveal a softer and more sensitive side.

All in, this movie os one very witty and educational. It is unquestionably humorous at certain scenes where you canot help but break out guffawing. The life lessons learnt and the motivation of doind one's best was all portrayed in this movie. The crafty structure of its characters' development throughout the movie makes it all the more worth watching.

Quiz

2009-03-02T18:31:00.004+08:00

Hahah. Well nothing beter to do. So im doing this quiz.

Someone tagged me to do this. So I'm gonna do this quiz. Tagged by:Naomi
1: Besides your lips , where is your favourite spot to get kissed?
Never tried. But maybe neck?

2: How do you feel when you woke up this morning?
Neutral. Reflective.

3: Who was the last person you took a photo with?
Amanda Lim Jin Mei

4: Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
No.

5: Would you ever donate blood?
Not for now though.

6: Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?
Nope.

7: Do you want someone dead?
Yes.

8:What does your last text message say?
Happy Belated Birthday.

9:What are you thinking of right now?
Tommorrow's interesting day.

10: Do you wish someone was with you right now?
No.

11: What time did you go to sleep last night?
12.15am

12: Where did you buy the T-shirt you are wearing now?
School. Its PE.

13: Is someone on your mind right now?
Yes.

14: Who was the last person to text you?
Aunt Kia Kie

10 PEOPLE TAGGED TO DO THIS QUIZ :
1. Candice
2. Bee
3. Kaileng
4. Liz
5. YueTing
6. Rachel
7. Michelle
8. Wan Bao
9. Delicia
10. Pei Fang

15: Who is 2 having a relationship with?
No one.

16: Is 3 a male or a female?
Female.

17: If 7 and 10 get together will that be a good thing?
Its impossible. Not a good thing.

18: What is Number 1 studying about?
Some hotel management thingy.

20: Is Number 4 single?
Yes.

21: Say something about Number 2.
Shy. Quiet. Reserved. Hardworking. Tall. Loves Stefanie Sun and Rui En.

22: What do you think about Number 3 and 6 being together?
No way.

23: Describe Number 9.
Dun like to study. Cute. Have nice soft hair.

24: What will you do if Number 6 and 7 fight?
Hahha. They dun even know each other.

25: Do you like Number 8?
She a nice person.

26: Do you think Number 5's boobs are big?
Erm. Haha. Nope.

Devastating. Disappointing.

2009-02-24T17:34:00.004+08:00

Well, save for the exclusion from the nomination list, I've had a rather good day today.

It all started off from the first lesson, PE. It is always and have been one activity i dread and detest. I don't like running, but im alright with other aspects of it though. PE teacher made a sudden statement that we'll be runnin the 2.4km today! Good lord, how anxious and nervous she made us feel for that few seconds to process the information. But oh wells, we can't procrastinate can we? So just go with the flow. Since I hate running so much, then there must be somethin to motivate me during the run. Was searching through. What shall it be? Then......got it! That is......since Rui En can do it, so can I! So that it is. To press on. To perservere. For the LUFF of Rui En. I had set out to make it for only a pass. Hahaha but suprisingly yes it is very suprising...i got a 15.32 timing. And wat more...i didnt train at all. It was all the power of the mind. You set it. You can achieve it. I was dumbfounded. Really. I dont usually get that timing. Even when i practiced many times, it usually hovers around the range of 16 plus.. Ya that was the first unexpected thing.

Just past 12 noon, i had English lesson. Since she took over as our teacher, I've always looked foreward to English. I too aspire to be as good as her. She made English a pleasure to learn. Like piano. Although a skill which needs a lot of hard work, patience and practice, its all surreal. I enjoy it. The process. The result(sometimes only though). But generally yes. So, wat had gotten to me during this very special EL lesson? I guess it was the result. The black and white proof that the hard work was worth it. I don't know how it happened. But it did, somehow, unconsciously. Throughout the whole of my sec 3 and so far sec 4 days...I've never. Never ever passed my EL compre...no matter wat...Be it class tests, exams or even normal class work. How much effort i had put in for those...but no result. This time. I had broken a record, and I'm proud to say that I'm elated. Indeed I am very, extremely. Because not only did I pass, I did well. The highest in class was 19/25 and i got 16/25. For compre, I had always been the bottom few in class through sec 3. This is an assurance. Finally, after those re-strategising and practice every single week without fail, I got to taste success. It's sweet. Very. Diabeticly sweet. And now, through this, I've learnt to not let down my guard, still....pressing on and on...for the ultimate Os. With distinction. I'll do it.

Then it was after school. Candice asked me to call. I did. And the news was broken. Yes i am disappointed. At first, the pain pierced. Then i managed to get hold of myself and prevent myself from breaking down. Goodness, i don't want the school to see me crying on the phone la. Like beaking up with bf. Haha. Well. Then again. Although we just ache thinking about it, what can we do? Like I said, She's such a terribly, fiercely good, honest and sincere actress, but still devoid of her well-deserved accolades and superlatives. After all the slamming at us and the ultimate hatred from others, I'm numb from the pain. But, still, deep down inside, there's still a silver lining... a glimpse of hope that she'll still be able to be appreciated and recognised for her efforts. Right now, I am still feel down from that but thank goodness there was the Oscars to cheer me up, at least on my birthday. And my friends. Thanks. I'll always and forever luff and support and traverse the road less travelled with RBKD and Her.

The Oscars. Wow. Yes! Kate Winslet once again! I was screaming and jumping at the calling of her name. She's one phenomenal actress. Sean Penn too. although i wasn't that mad when he won, but i was smiling inside. What is this? A perfect example of fairness. Equality. Of not being biased. Can't S'pore be like that?

Should I be glad or sad?

2009-02-22T12:06:00.002+08:00

Finally, got the time to blog. CAs have been occupying my time the whole week. Almost everyday had 2 tests. Sigh. Sec 4 life is one of purgatory man! haha..it just suddenly dawned on me that i atually havent blogged for about a month? That long?.haha..didnt know.

Yesterday had the Girl Guides Thinking Day ceremony at the S'pore Indoor Stadium and we had to perform. A choir. Sang 2 songs. Bette Midler's From A Distance and Michael Jackson's Heal The World. haha...i guess its cos i had done it before...so it wasnt as nerve wreaking as i'd thought. But i really has a great time singing. Especially that From A Distance song. It was so beautiful. Not some typical song about break ups and love, this song have so much meaning in it.

Later on in the night, went to Abi's + Ame's house...haha..it was really unexpected man!..they actually planned a surprise birthday party for me..and Mandy was there too...cool!..ahha...it was ultimate FUN!...hahha...I was being sprayed with Whip cream all over la!( thx ar!!)...hahha...so gross...but it was seriously wacky and crazy and dirty fun. Perhaps its one of those very memorable birthday i'd ever had...especially when Mandy!! you actua;;y dropped the cake into the pond...you!!..hahah..see la..then Abe and Ame's parents dun have cake...and thank god no one saw it...so disgusting...the cake was actually sinking into the pond...i was so despereate...haha..so i went to get it...woah my hand and leg stretched until like rubber band la..now my thigh hurts...hahha...and also thank goodness the security guard didnt scold us for messing up the place..hhaha..and didnt ask for our identities...hahaha...come to think of it...eewww....i was literally in whip cream....hahaha...wat a birthday...

Catching up

2009-01-09T23:52:00.002+08:00

Haven't had so much time to blog these days. School, tuition, CCA, homework is occupying my time. BUT, i still have my...hmm...doses of En when i need it for motivation.

Just knew that Fighting Spiders is going to air on channel 5..dunno when. Haha. ya i mentioned it cos i auditioned for a few of the roles before. Gosh. it was damn scary. wonder wat the whole plot would be. haha..the fact that Rebecca Lim and Ezann Lee wil be acting..haha..i'll just wonder which of them got the role of Li Yen or Sam...haha...i miss acting! i'll just hope i'll get to act in a drama...

I miss En already! Havent seen her for 10 days..haha.. Next to look forward would be the 2nd A/S on 17th. Yes. haha..come to think of it, i've been silently supporting her for 4 years..i guess its time to come out. Still taking baby steps..im not the expert when it comes to this kinda idol thingy or FC thingy..

Sch has been manageable for the past few days..but..well...a hellava week is up for me. I still havent felt the super-stressed brain mind body soul yet. I guess its coming..seeing the increasing pile of homework, weekly tests...the deadly revision which i usually have no time for..

can't blog as often nowadays...time is really not on my side. if only..humans no need to rest...

Recently read this article about childhood by Philip Adams. Awesome! the descriptions came to life! they jumped out. like the events were unfolding right before my eyes. so detailed. and most importantly...so TRUE...he expressed everything that i'll even think about how to say..about childhood. i feel for him. Childhood...being a " totalitarian regime" and we just can't wait to " get out of out short pants to wear long pants"...avid description...like how you feel when all you get from adults was the " indifference and incompetence" light they see you in...hating the forced " kissing of mummy's overscented friend whose gush of affection is manifestly insincere".....the "yoke of youth" we want to get out of...i really sentimentalise some of these things...in retrospect..i don't think i really enjoyed being a child....guess..i kinda like this growing up process...getting more comfortable in our own shoes...

Waiting...Anticipating...for the MVs....

Stayover

2008-12-21T01:34:00.002+08:00

Guess I'll do a quick post here. My eyes are stinging the hell out of me. Friday, had a stayover for one night at Ritz-Carlton. It was cool/fun. Too formal though. Not accustomed to those guards and staff bringing you here and there. Their service is good, no doubt but not my cup of tea though. It good till it gets uncomfortable to live with. But well, i had great fun in there. It was something like a Christmas party and birthday party for my maternal grandma. haha...we always had this...cos her birthday falls on 1st of Jan. haha. the whole stay, I still loved the presents part. My goodness, those presents i received, it made this Christmas so far, the best one ever. Every single present i received was something i really loved and needed..well..not exactly though. But just hankered for it to come into my hands one day. I dreamnt of having those. Never did it cross my mind that they'll actually be mine! Hmm...maybe I'll share what I got. Nothing with very flowerly and elaborate. They're practical stuff. My mum gave me a necklace with Jesus's cross studded with diamonds on it. Have been begging them to get one for me for ages, but I didnt think they would give in to all my whims all these times and even remember what I liked. Cos honestly, they don;t really bother. They care about studies, period. So that necklace means a lot more than..just a necklace although i don't think it costs a bomb. Then, my aunt gave me the 10 movie GV privilages card. wow. that was wayy cool. haha. How thoughtful. I thought no one would encourage or even acknowledge my love for films and movies. What more give me free tickets. wow. haha. I love that.haha. Been building up a list of movie listings to watch! My Uncle's gift was a noticeboard. haha.. thanks! How usefull...my rooms' been very messy during school days with all the tests and exams and this and that thing and paper notices...haha..cool. and i woud then be able to add extra stuff to the board...and its none other than duh...things that will ecourage me!..Deary dear Rui En love. Still been over the moon over my presents. A little add on to those would be a pleasant and soothing CD my aunt bought for me. It's Olivia Ong's CD. Her songs are soothing to the soul. Crystal clear. She's the one who sand the Little Nyonya theme song..but sadly that song's not inside the album.

Now looking forward to Christmas Party with paternal side. Much better. Quieter and more relaxed. Just talking. Simple, yet great. As well as the countdown! Rui En again! missed seeing her.

Book

2008-12-18T22:51:00.002+08:00

Just managed to finish reading " When Rainbows End " by Cecelia Ahern a couple of days ago. Thought it was quite moving though. The last part. Where Alex and Rosie finally got to be with each other after 50 years of fate trying to pry them apart. One thing i like about Ahern's books is the simple words she uses to express. Its easily digestible, although sometimes a little long-winded. But well, its kinda good cos I can read it fast. Took about a week and a half to complete the book.

Besides reading, have been busy with homework and damn it, I havent finish it yet! The worst is Chinese. There are tons of work for Chinese and its just eating into my precious time that could be used to do other better things than CHINESE! Good lord, I still have 2 Chinese essays to complete, as well as a letter writing. As for Geog, I havent started it. Same goes for Lit too. I'm doomed man! Lit. Thinking about the 21 thesis statements that have to be done. Yucks. I don't like the book I'm studying at all. Thank goodness I have already finished my English, E Math and A Math homework. It was quite a breeze doing them though. Except for a few unanswered Math questions.

This morning I just watched the movie " Love Actually " and it was quite ok. Not something i would recoemmed people to watch. But the ending was gorgeous. Lovely. All about love. Quite fun to watch. I love romance and romantic comedies no doubt. Right now, I'm really anticipating for " Doubt " , " Australia" and " Changeling " to make its debut here. Read the movie reviews of these movies. Thought it was worth watching. Felt that these movies had substance in their plot. Also, i can't watch for " Revolutionary Road " to start screening! The first ever movie Leonardo Dicaprio and Kate Winslet are working together after Titanic which was a phenomenal success, grossing 1.8 Billion in ticket sales worldwide. Dicaprio as well as Winslet are just great actors. They perfom whatever role thrown to them with ease. Both have incredible ability to work around their charactors and bring about excptional quality of performance. Their emotions, expressed in such a raw manner, always keeps us on the edge of our seat, wanting to grieve with them and also, share their joys and tribulations in whichever movie.

Just finished an essay for English tuition. It was titled " A Fun Holiday " sounds pretty easy, and there is a vast amount of things to write about. I used Twilight's charactor's names Bella and Edward. But the plot is none like Twilight's. My fun holiday was in the Maldives. Going snorkelling and beach-combing. Goodness, how I adore the whole process of writing it. Its like you are actually in the Maldives, experiencing the dream holiday. I'd love to go there.

Twilight

2008-12-16T01:58:00.002+08:00

Today was filled with unexpected surprises all through the day. I'll start with morning. Well i thought I would be yet again waking up to another day of homework to complete before nightfall. But Boom. First surprise. Dad sent me an sms early in the morning before going to work. " Rui En's story on today's Life section" wow. It hit me. I've always been wanting The Monday Interview to feature her. Just hoping and hoping every week. At last! It was such a honest and sincere interview. She spilled about her troubled childhood, how she struggled against the odds to what she became today. An actress-singer who dosen't give a damn what people think and JUST BE HERSELF. Yes. people will say...i'm also being myself wat. But come on. In that industry, easier said than done. Do you know how much courage you have to garner to do that? To just stand for what you are, to not follow that whole masquerade. Its something I have loved and admired about her. To not want fame, money and that status but do it for the sole reason of wanting to entertain people. I don't know how to explain this but, i just feel that she have this very cool thing about her. Not some nonchalance. But some preternatural coolness that draws me more and more. Come on. How many can do that? The Monday Interview, where she lay her unglamorous past spread for all to critic. I hope through this sacrifice she made, people would begin to try and understand her better rather than just put her into the category of ice.

Had managed to finish a Chinese test paper and letter writing. Damn tough man. I didnt even get WTH the passage was supposed to mean. But oh wells. Have to stop complaining and procrastinating. Tmr, have to finish another paper and letter. its seriously shit man! i absolutely detest chinese!

And then went for the preview of Twilight. Which was actually the highlight of my day. Have to thank Amanda! Thanks a lot for inviting me! It was a private screening she won from Channel 5 that Christmas contest or something... I love the room. Like a GV Gold class cinema. The seat was just the next comfortable thing to my bed. And also so big! Most of all, the movie! How hot Edward was. My heart melted. Twilight. Really it was such an awesome movie. Something to be given superlatives for. The most epic romance, next closest thing to Titanic. Its been years since I've seen such an unprecedented movie. Something that left me with an inkling feeling inside me after the show.The part where Bella and Edward was at the prom, just after getting out of the car,...walking..wow..just like an evening promenade. Well actually the part where Bella just pushed him away so forcefully..goodness..that was unexpected. At first I thought Edward was a bit wierd at the beginning but it was just a while. I just love that he has this propensity in him to protect Bella. That's just an apotheosis of what unconditional love and pure love could bring a person to do. Awesome/Gorgeous. hahha...This was hilarious, after watching the movie, we went out and haha..the Twilight poster was just ubiquitous. HAhah...outside the Shaw Centre where we previewed the movie, at Lido, Outside the Building..haha..I was literally devoured with this utter sense of well-being after the movie. It made my so very boring day!

And home i went, hoping to catch a wink before getting up tmr to do homework. Went online first to catch up on RBKD stuff. and another BOOM came. Wow i seriously didnt expect it. Rui En has a new show! Great! wow. Totally unexpected.for the past few years, she only had one show a year or at the most, 2. But my goodness... first it was By My Side, then now filming The Dreamcatchers and then without a break, will continue to start filming My School Daze. wow. Within a span of 6 months. 3 shows. Goodness. I can't take it. hahah. Seriously. its actually good that its at the first few months of the year. cos if not..i won't be able to watch. Major exams on the way.. well...i hope she takes care of herself. Don't fall ill again. Have a loong way to go...shows after shows...add oil! add oil!

Now i think its time for me to hit the sacks...cos tomorrow i have to hit the books in earnest. Sigh. How i wish i could just exude this inner power in me to keep me strong through this very shitty period of life. And my feet are still aching from just now. Argh. the boots. It hurts. Guess its too small...gotta get a new one.

#19

2008-12-09T18:01:00.003+08:00

I guess this news have already disseminated to the walls of Parliment! ahah. But still, i have to spill. After 2 weeks of trying in vain to put her song up on the charts, at last! This week! Its up! yes! oh wells, although its 19, but still, its an improvement, ain't it?ha. All those ppl who helped me vote..thanks! When 慢舞 song started to play on 933, my heart started beating at breakneck speed! haha I was literally whopping inside me.. running down that hillside at supersonic speed, screaming all the joy and laughter i hoped my lungs had managed.. Ravishing with joy.

Wow. Just realised. Rui En's 穿反song is my iTunes playlist's highest playcount song at 84! wooow. haha.. I really didnt think i kept looping that song so much. Its only been about 3 weeks and her songs are like familiar sounds of music i hear everyday..actually..almost everyday..

Its December and I've (thank goodness) started my holiday homework. Have already plan my schedule to complete it. At the moment, I'm trying to built up the momentum of studying, starting with a few hours and then gradually increase to the whole day. I won't want a repeat of this year, where i felt rather melancholic most of the time, not knowing what went wrong, and how i could improve. This time, I'll be fiesty!

Last play day

2008-12-01T04:18:00.002+08:00

Alright. Its now December. haha since its 4 plus in the morning. I seriously can't get a wink when I tried to. Instead, it gave me a headache trying to force myself to sleep!

I told myself way in advance to only start studying/revising & doing homework in December. How time really flies. It was the last play day I had yesterday. Its now all down to mugging for "O"s. I've actually been subconsciously looking forward to this day. Kinda missed studying, though i can't believe i actually do.

Now, what do I have to cut down on? Lots. I'll definitely be going online much lesser now, perhaps only thrice a week? ya. And goodness, this one is darn tough. I have to stop listening to 共和国 so frequently. I'll have to only hear it when i go online, i guess, cos i can't listen to music and study. I must not be tempted. Well, these take up most of my time, so it'll be it for now. Also, i won't be blogging so often now.

Parents do play a big role in the upbringing of their children right? If only there was a fixed way to bring kids up... I dunno if I should be blogging about this. I ain't a person who blogs about their innermost feelings. I guess, this would be a stepping stone? Haha. All these years, I've been bottling it up inside the very deep and usually untapped corner of my heart. Favouritism. Biased. Comparison. Competition. Which of these have you not experienced before? Of course everyone has got a taste of whats it like. But only everywhere outside your home right? Not me. Yes, I have been a victim in school, in class, but never did i see it ever coming to my home. The pain is heartwrenching, its choking but I'm not able to spit it out cos its happening to me, from the people with the closest blood relation I have. From family. I know, not every child is born smart, is hardworking. But aren't parents supposed to encourage and acknowledge every child they have be it smart or not? Each child has their own weakness and strengh. They're different individuals. You can't compare them with each other. Yes, I've done many run-of-the-mill things which, is no fight for the things my other siblings could do. Why must you compare me with siblings? I know I'm not what you would like me to be, but i do have a voice to speak for myself, a brain to think for myself. I'm entitled to my options and my life that i'll like to lead. Can't you just encourage me to be the best of what I can be and not use siblings as a guage? You really don't know how much this hurts my self-esteem. Stop putting me down and saying " you're the worst of the three of you. Think you're really better than them? Prove it! Can't? Don't talk! "

Perhaps this was just some passing remarks you made, but no, you emphasised it to me too many times to be just a remark. I don't think I'll prove you wrong, but i'll prove myself wrong. I'll just go ahead with my goal in mind, study hard and achieve it with much gusto of which, is unheard of to you. I don't care how good my siblings' are. You have already poked a hole in my heart, but I'm not going to give up that easily. At least i have relatives support even if i dun have yours. That corner in my heart has been the centre of your critics. It still hurts whenever tampered with. You have succeeded in rubbing at my wound. I won't deny. That dark/shadowed part has and will always stay with me. There's no medicine to heal it. But I now come out stronger than i'd ever imagine. I still won't change who i used to be. I'm still me. But you still and will never know my dark side. You had a glance but not the feel. I'm now more emotionally stronger than you knew i ever was.

Too bad you can't cut open my heart to see the invisible contents inside. I won't let you. I don't want you too. Thats why i had shut up. This is the only place i'll rant it all out. Comparing thats all you care. With whoever you can compare, you do with me. You didn't know it has such adverse effects, do you? You didn't know i'll suffer, having my confidence dipping right to a negative right? But well, it ain't that bad either. I'm getting stronger, not weaker.

Money

2008-11-29T22:56:00.002+08:00

Never did I imagine that I would ever encounter problems with money. Perhaps its not me, but it will definitely affect me directly. I really don't know what to expect in the hard days to come for the year ahead. Especially when I need to go full force for "O" levels, this is the last thing I would want to worry about. My parents would always emphasise, "just study hard, school things don't worry." They still say this, no doubt, but i have to bravely admit, I feel extremely guilty about this whole year.

Never did I know that what i had was in exchange for excruciating hard work. I took them lightly, I didn't really appreciate them, most of all, I didnt produce desirable results. OK this is no all about studies. But the issue of money, no one can deny its luxuries it gives. Hence we take for granted. Like me. From the middle of this year, each month, had spent $90+$120+$130+$90=$430 just on a months tuition only. $430 times 5months = $2100!!
And this is just tuition. So I was expected to produce exceptionally good results, but didn't even meet my own expectations, what more others. My EOYs were really shitty to the core. I'm still trying to figure out why. Was it distraction? Was it because I had no motivation? I think its the second one. but I'm still not clear. I'm not ready for "O"s. Just... I think I really wasted one year of precious time.

With money now being tightened a little at home, I hope this would be my wake up call. STOP DREAMING ZHENG FANG! Reality check!! "O"s are a big thing to me. Cos i want to go to a really good JC after 10 bloody years in such a mundane and average school. Although I know my dream JC is not quite possible, but perhaps VJC? I think thats reachable.

Times now will not be so good, but I'm still learning the ropes. Now. Head on for challenges and just get past this ( I think its gonna be) bullshit year ahead. Mindset, ready. GO! All the way.

Piano

2008-11-27T17:57:00.002+08:00

Piano day today! haha. It's just a made up thingy. Not serious. ahha. But i literally spent about half my day on the piano! Woke up at 1100. Started playing at 1130 until 1330. Had lunch then continued playing at 1400. It's been a week since I've touched the piano. ha. My scales all forgottten.

I tried to practice Ballade Pour Adeline but, shit man, my finger so slow! The climax part wanna die! haha. oh wells, i hope it'll be better though. I just started learning that song last week! Now I'm kinda bored with all my songs, so deceided to try a new one. My Heart Will Go On! Its quite alright, if you're talking about playing the vocals part. Damn, now my hand is aching from all the playing.

New

2008-11-26T12:36:00.000+08:00

Perhaps i didn't have any way to express myself before. Also because i never like to tell the public about my life. I dunnoe. But suddenly had the urge of writing really badly. Havent been very keen on this type of stuff though. I'm seriously a total noob at this blogging thingy. Haha. Previously had a few blogs before, but ended up deleting it. Cos i guess, i couldn't manage it.

I told myself. This is just going to be one simple blog which I'll treat just like a diary, a way to let out everything. So its going to be simple. This time, I'm not going to give up so easily. This blog shall be with me in times of happiness, struggles and bitterness.

For the first time ever, in my life, I'm going to make this blog to not please anyone.( It's really hard!) Thanks to Rui En's Chuan Fan song.

Haha. I'm not sure if I'm going to blog about the Gala and A/S though. Just at this point in time, taking things " step by step ".